by Astrid Davies | 21 Dec 2017 | Uncategorised
Every year, I write something about goal setting for the start of that year. Every year, I meet people who, by the first week in January, have forgotten/ignored/amended their goals … if they had any at all … and the anticlimax has set in. It doesn’t have to be that way, folks!
You will have a lot of different things on your mind, this Christmastime, from defrosting the turkey, to sorting out your charitable donations, to remembering the batteries. Don’t let 2018 be one of them.
Instead, when the official Christmas holiday is over (and you may have already thrown yourself headlong into the sales, heaven help us), remember there is a quiet time between Christmas and the official New Year. This is a whole week, when you will still probably be cramming in family visits, sales visits, endless queues at the returns counters … So do yourself a favour, and make a decision, here, now, today, to take a few hours back from the mayhem, and give yourself The Gift of the Present.
I mean the pun. Take a few hours in the here-and-now. Enjoy the moment. Don’t live your life through the video function on your ‘phone. Here’s a few tips for you to try, which will definitely give you a few fresh perspectives for your 2018 plans.
- Decide to take a few hours where you won’t be bothered, and where you can think clearly, calmly and quietly. That may not be possible as one big block (I envy you if it is). That doesn’t matter. Plan the time, and tell whoever needs to help you to protect that time, that this is important to you and therefore is important to them, and ask for their help. Put imaginary razor-wire around that time! Keep warm, maybe snuggled on the sofa or in bed. Allow yourself to relax and think.
- Next, get yourself a pen and paper. Maybe even ask for a journal for Christmas – a book in which you can write your private thoughts, aspirations and plans. No, this isn’t a job for a tablet or your ‘phone. It’s how our brains are wired – we make things happen if we have actually written them. By hand.
- When you have your quiet time (let’s call it your Goal time), decide how you want to be in a year’s time. What sort of 2018 do you want to have? What will 2018 give to you? How will that make you feel? Make sure that you have a clear idea of how you want to be and feel at the end of 2018. Note that down, along with any thoughts you have around that.
- Now think about how you want to be and feel, and put your thoughts into this sentence: “As at the end of December 2018, I am/have …..”. This isn’t to get you to list all the possessions you have or want. It is to get you to state your key achievement, so this is about something you will have done that will bring you the benefits you really desire. Note this down, along with any thoughts you have around that.
- That statement is your goal for the year. Reflect on it, and check it really gives you what you want for 2018. If it doesn’t, simply repeat the process. Check what you are wanting your goal to reflect – does it make you feel a bit greedy, or a bit selfish, or a bit too advantaged, or as if you are giving yourself away too freely perhaps (this is a biggie for child-minding relatives so new [grand]parents beware!). When you are happy with your goal, write it down again and look at it, there on the page. Note down your feelings as you look at it.
- While you are taking notes, you may well want to note down what that goal means to you. These notes will help you to keep motivated on the tricky days. What will the goal mean to those closest to you? How motivating do you find that? Note down what you want for yourself and what you would like for others (remember they have to want it too).
- There are lots of other goal-setting tips and techniques that a professional coach like me can use with you. A couple of things you can do by yourself, however, is to write down a big list of random as-they-come-into-your-head things you could do, to get you to your goal this time next year. Bonkers things, weird things, expensive things. It’s only ink or pencil and paper that you are using, and it’s your secret journal so no-one’s going to see your list but you. List lots and lots and lots of things – the more the merrier. Note them all down. Then put a star by the ones that you would really enjoy doing, or that you could do straight away. Put a big star by the one thing that is possible and would move you on the most, towards your goal.
- The other thing you can do all by yourself is to decide to do the thing, by which you put the big star! Make a note of what you will do, what you need to make it possible, when you will do it. Remind yourself of all the things you wrote down, about how much your goal means to you. Then go back and look at your big star action. How much do you want to achieve it? How important is it, to moving you on toward your goal? Make lots of notes for yourself, about how much it would mean to you. How will it be, when you have taken that action and moved closer to your goal for 2018? How good will you feel? What else looks like a good action for taking next?
- You can make other lists and action plans, and more notes, but this will be a great first start. It will help you to have a plan, which in turn will help you to face the New Year with that bit more confidence, composure and assurance. And you also know how to plan for the next action, and the one after that, and the one after that … until you have achieved your 2018 goal! Congratulate yourself on how far you have come, just in getting to one action. As you take more and more actions, congratulate yourself more. Everyone needs encouragement!
- The final tip is: be nice to yourself. Don’t snuggle up in the warm and then fret and worry and criticise yourself. That’s not the point at all! If your first action doesn’t happen quite the way you thought it would, or doesn’t give you quite the outcome you hoped for, that’s life. Simply note that down, and use it, together with all your great planning notes, to focus on something very specific to really nail next time. When you have nailed that, remember what it was that worked, note that down, and keep on making progress. Reward yourself for progress and keep focus on the main motivation – how much you want that feeling of success around your goal, when it comes to December 2018.
It’s important to remember that real life gets in the way sometimes, so allow for that in your plans and in your self-talk. Keep focused, keep on plan and keep taking action. You will get there, but it may be a slightly different “there”. That’s OK if it still gives you what you wanted from 2018. Be flexible in your approach, and be kind to yourself and others in 2018, because kindness is for life, not just for Christmas.
If you have found these tips useful, and would like to explore personal goal-setting in more detail, please get in touch. My clients always comment on how useful they find our action planning sessions, and you will too. So please click to make contact and let’s get you started towards 2018 .. and beyond!
by Astrid Davies | 8 Dec 2017 | Uncategorised
At this time of year, people are often busy. Many people are very busy. Some are so busy they can’t take time to consider quite how busy they are. And some are busy being busy. This blog post is for them – for you – if you are so busy telling yourself (and anyone who’ll listen) that you are so busy, that you don’t get anything done … because you’re busy …
In our society of immediacy, it is an expectation that we will request and receive everything fast. That means people, data and things have to move faster than before. Wait a minute … “have to”? Who says? Unless it’s a matter of international nuclear tension, or a life/death medical emergency, is it really … really … that much of an imperative? Don’t we mean that “people expect them to …” or “people have asked for them to …” or even “I want them to …”? We tend to assume there are fearsome penalties for those who under-deliver. The irony is, so many people are busy being busy that many of them tend to under-deliver because they didn’t want to offend or deter the others, so promised to do too much, didn’t know where to start and therefore didn’t quite do what they said they would do, when they said they would do it.
First rule of project management? “Say No”. Seems a bit negative? Perhaps, if taken literally. However, if you stop to think about it, saying “yes” all the time doesn’t actually get you anywhere either. It is impossible to please everyone with everything that you do. So stop trying to. And it is “trying” – you aren’t actually pleasing many people, when you are so busy, are you?
Master Yoda, according to Star Wards legend, said,
The best thing that you can Do, if you are busy being busy, is to stop trying. In fact, stop doing much of what you are doing. How about checking in with yourself, and seeing just how much benefit you are getting out of being this busy, and how much benefit you therefore are to others? Hhmmmm – thought so – not looking great, is it?
So how can you solve this? You can’t stop people asking you to do things (although you can help them to make sure they plan a bit better). You can’t have fewer things to get done by Christmas (although you can make plans for next year, so you know you will be in a better place then). What you can do is to consider what you need to get done, by when. You may find making a list will help; get it all out of your head and onto paper, so you can see exactly the scale of the issue. It may be, that when you look at the list, you can see immediately a few things that, once done quickly, will make the rest of it easy. If you do, great! Do them now!
You may find the list is still looooong. Too looooong! Before you descend back into panic, evoking the worst Kermit memes from social media, try this. Ask yourself the reason that you have to do these things. If you don’t have to do all of them, then great! Delegate them!
There is a trick you have up your sleeve, if you did but know it. Remember Master Yoda and his “Do Not”? What is there on that list which you don’t actually have to do at all? And, if you think about it, no-one actually has to do at all? If there are any items on your list which come under this heading, then that’s a big fat line drawn straight through them. Don’t do them. Simple.
By now, you will still have a list, but it will have fewer items on it (if it hasn’t, you need to read this post from the top and have another go … and this time, trust others to help you … their work will be good enough). If you do have to do a lot of things, that’s still great. You simply need to plan them. With so little time before Christmas, you will have a deadline. Work back from that, and identify what needs to be in place, to ensure you can deliver. And when you are doing this, you may wish to check what “deliver” means. Does your customer, boss, family member actually have a clear date in mind? If they don’t and it can wait until after Christmas, how would it be if you explored that with them and secured a confirmed deadline for first week in 2018? That would be another off the list. Then you have to put into order of importance, the rest of the list. How you define importance is up to you, of course – it might be keeping the boss happy, or your key clients, or a new client, or a child (or a combination of those, depending on how much they stamp their feet!).
A final observation here – are you busy being busy because you don’t want to do the things on your list? If that’s the case, and you can delegate, postpone or ditch them, then do that. If you have to do something you don’t want to do, you may find that you are putting it off. It may be because you don’t like the person, or you don’t like the task (or a combination of the two). It may, however, be that you worry you won’t be able to do it well enough, and so you are, in fact, finding reasons not to do whatever it is that is still on your list. If that’s the case, how are you defining “well enough”? Who’s defining good here? If it’s the client or recipient, then that’s fair – provided that they are being fair. If it’s you, however, you might just want to check in with yourself that you aren’t assuming everyone shares your standards. It might be that your client/boss/gift recipient would be happy just to know you could do something to keep them ticking over with whatever it is they want; meanwhile you have been having sleepless nights worrying how to do it perfectly. Very very few people actually want and expect perfection in all things. To expect it of yourself is a shortcut to mental upset. So look after yourself, as well as the client/boss/family member. Check what they want, what they really really want, and plan how you deliver that. All this worked for the Spice Girls, worked for General Eisenhower for D-Day … I reckon it will work for you!
If you have seen some things in this post which looked familiar, and would like to explore them further, please feel free to contact me to find out more. My clients frequently come to me with some form of overwhelm, and they leave with plans, purpose and clarity. If that looks good to you, simply get in touch and we can get started …
by Astrid Davies | 1 Dec 2017 | Uncategorised
I was battling with some LED Christmas-light macrame and masking tape yesterday, and my teenage son wryly noted “Getting ready for Christmas, then”. It can seem a bit daunting – all that work to get the house prettified; sorting out where the tree will go; buying the tree; making any one of the tree-holders you have bought, in desperation in previous years, to fit this year’s stem; then presents for immediate family; presents for distant family; presents for friends, colleagues, clients … and then there’s the food … oh crikey don’t forget the turkey …
Instead of deciding to be hassled by it all, I simply agreed that I was, and that it would look great. The Teen smiled. In his world, normal annual service has been resumed – traditional music, fairy lights and more chocolate than is healthy. Even when you are a grown up (nearly), these traditions are familiar, soothing and a source of stability in what must be for him a pretty topsy-turvy world.
And that’s the key to many people’s happiness – a few elements which provide reassurance and stability. An additional element is remembering to do what I managed to do yesterday. That is; make the positive choice. I could have moaned about his not helping me, or about the cost of his Christmas list, or how much cooking there would be … Instead, I chose to take a simple and positive stance, which could provide some much-needed reassurance. Reflecting on this, the following day as Advent starts for Christianity-based societies around the globe, I realise that this simple step can unlock so much.
When we feel overwhelmed by situations (real or “catastrophised” from something likely but small into something possible but DREADFUL), we face a range of responses, many of which we are used to taking control of us. How would it be, however, if we could take control of those responses instead? Victor Frankl, the emininent Austrian psychotherapist, wrote
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom
I realise that it’s quite a stretch, from my gnarled Christmas fairy lights to Frankl’s powerful insights. However, the difference between being stressed and negative about a wonderful, generous time of year, and being positive and open to the Season’s possibilities, was simply my exercising my freedom of choice.
I also realise that this may come across as definitely a “First World Problem”. I admit, my remembering to model courteous and positive behaviours for The Teen isn’t going to stop anyone’s world from crumbling. However, each of us, nomatter our wealth, nomatter our faith, nomatter where and what we call home, has key choices to make every day. Every day, we will respond to some situation, some stimulus, which may trigger an immediate response. Sometimes that response may be inclusion; sometimes it may be ambivalence, somethings it might even be rejection.
So, as we begin Advent and the “countdown to Christmas”, and as pressures may start to mount, and someone says or does something which irritates, please try this experiment.
- Stop what you are doing, before you respond
- Breathe deeply
- Think about how your initial response might help the other person and you. If it doesn’t, think of a positive one that would.
- Respond using your chosen helpful response
- Notice the difference it makes to the other person – and to you
Five easy steps which might just stop a family row, or which might prevent a job being lost in the whirlwind of pre-Christmas deadlines. Those steps might also help you to decide that, this Christmastime, you will make a conscious effort to help someone else, someone who doesn’t have what you have. This could be taking in a local isolated older person, or a homeless teenager in a UK city, or it could be donating to support refugees on the other side of the globe.
Whatever you choose, make it a positive choice that helps someone in the way they want to be helped. That’s what the countdown is really heading towards … isn’t it?
If some of the thoughts in this post have struck a chord with you, and you would like to discuss how you can learn to control your responses, please feel free to get in touch with me. This is an issue which many of my clients have faced; you aren’t alone in the sense of overwhelm and helplessness in response. It is an issue which, once you master it, you can really use to your advantage, to help others and yourself whenever you want. Doesn’t that sound better? So … make that positive choice …
Let’s get started on moving you from this …
to this !
by Astrid Davies | 3 Nov 2017 | Uncategorised
“Oh, I can tell you everything there is to know about coaching”, I was told early on in my independent practice. We were at a networking event for professionals. The person telling me he knew so much may have heard a lot about the topic … but to be honest, he didn’t appear to have been listening.
You see, he was behaving throughout the event as if the event was for his personal benefit. He was networking for what he could take from the event and attendees, not how he could work with anyone or even help anyone. If any professionally-trained and qualified leadership coach had ever encouraged him to be so self-absorbed, I would hope they would resign from the professional registers! Not only were his personal behaviours less than ideal, but he was damaging his brand and his business changes with every word. He was not reflecting on his impact, only on his goal.
Coaching will encourage self-reflection, first of all. It works in a landscape defined by honesty, truth and courage. Being coached isn’t easy at first, particularly for busy people who rarely allow themselves time to stop and think about how and for what and whom they work so hard. Many of my clients define their coaching as invaluable “me-time”. Yet this isn’t them being selfish. Far from it. It is, in my experience, evidence that these leaders have been so busy putting people’s interests before their own, that they prize the opportunity to have time to simply stop, think and consider.
Coaching works. It works on different levels, for different people. For leaders, coaching offers crucial time to “put their foot on the brake” and reflect on their actions and impact. Leaders are measured by the impact they make. This is often lost to the leaders themselves in the hurly-burly of everyday business. So an hour with a supportive coach, gently exploring impact and the difference the leader has made, can be important. For some, it can be revelatory!
How Coaching helps a leader
Coaching offers a range of really helpful and positive opportunities for leaders to:-
- understand themselves and their world better
- use a quiet, safe space in a busy schedule to think clearly
- remember their strengths and helps them use them more fully
- explore the opportunities that they have open to them
- focus purposefully on a key goal
- organise their thoughts and actions, to achieve the impact they seek
- re-enter the workplace with renewed purpose, vision and vigour.
Coaching will help the leader think deeply and honestly about what they want to achieve, and the way that they can achieve this to make the best impact possible. This isn’t personal impact necessarily, but the most “win-win” beneficial outcome possible. For some of my clients, they really have “reset their minds” as a result of the reflective practice they have undertaken.
Coaching also offers the time and intellectual and emotional space to consider and revisit value systems, beliefs and motivators. Keeping these refreshed and relevant are crucial to successful leadership.
Experts say …
I don’t expect you to simply take my word for it. After all, as a leader, your time is your money and that is best used for the business, or the family … but why not best used to hone your own leadership craft? Steve Jobs knew a thing or two about innovation, including in leading a successful corporation. His former coach, John Mattone, states:
“Successful executives don’t invest in coaching, they invest in results”
And that’s the key. Coaching frees leaders to think afresh about their work challenges (maybe even their life challenges) and to find new solutions which achieve the results they want. This meets Peter Drucker’s test of leadership – it isn’t about popularity, it’s about results. Although these days that tough-guy approach to leadership is thankfully on the wane, outcomes and delivery to or above target are still at the core of successful leadership.
Academic studies into the efficacy of leadership coaching are still too thin on the ground for my taste. However, a recent and widely cited article* in International Coaching Psychology Review makes a powerful argument in favour of coaching, to bolster leadership behaviours and survival. In the research, leaders reported that coaching helped in five ways:
- It helped them reclaim their self-belief,
- it contributed to their learning,
- it helped them see wider perspectives,
- it provided a supportive relationship, and
- it gave them that all-important thinking space.
So, the list I put together earlier in this article really does match that of independently-verified research.
Another aspect, where my experience matches that of the article’s research findings, is that leaders often came to coaching as the result of facing a challenge. Whether they like it or not, this means that my clients are seeking some form of support and learning in relation to their workplace challenge. Often this involves resilience in change (one of my specialist areas) or simply a need for refreshed self-awareness and leadership skills.
One of the key aspects of this, often implicit, need for support is that having a trusted partner to accompany/support them on their pursuit of their goal (or “journey” if that doesn’t upset you). That’s what the good coach does – walk alongside, neither behind nor in front. Having that trusted partner to share confidential concerns lightens the burden and frees the leader’s mind to focus on solutions.
You may have read this, and thought “I could use some of that support”. Great! That’s the first all-important step – acknowledge the need to act. Next step? ACT! To find out more about the benefit that coaching will bring to your leadership, simply get in touch. Let’s get you started ….
* Lawton Smith, C. (2015). ‘How coaching helps leadership resilience: The leadership perspective’, International Coaching Psychology Review, Vol.10 No. 1, pp. 6-19. ISSN: 1750-2764 .
by Astrid Davies | 4 Aug 2017 | Uncategorised
Lucky, lucky me. Tonight I get to see the fastest man on Earth, running in the IAAF World Athletics Championships in London’s former Olympic stadium. For me it’s definitely the first and probably the last time I will ever see the great man.
Miles of comment have been written about Usain Bolt’s retirement. Many of these pieces have been “end of an era” pieces as if they were obituaries. In fact, Usain Bolt is 30 years old (31 later this month). Not bad to retire at 30 eh?!
Usaine Bolt is not, however, “retiring”. He is simply choosing now as the best time, for him to move on from athletics to the next phase on what is already an illustrious career. As Napoleon Hill said, “Don’t wait, the time will never be just right”. So Mr Bolt is deciding to act, because now is as good a time as any and it feels right to him to do so.
What is less well known is that Brendan Foster CBE is also retiring. He will withdraw from commentating on the world of Athletics after the IAAF World Championships this year. A stalwart of the sport, Mr Foster is unlikely to attract the same length and breadth of commentary, certainly beyond the UK’s shores. However, he will be missed just as much by those of us who grew up listening to him (and watching him race, cough).
What both these retirements show is that people who know their strengths and are confident in their abilities, sense when it is appropriate to move to new opportunities. If either man were to stay doing what they love just a little bit longer, they might falter, be beaten, make an error. For both men, proud and renowned as experts in what they do, that would be a mistake. They would be revealed as fallible and would open themselves up to the criticism which would swoop on them just as fast as any compliment (faster, probably, knowing the UK media), with the clear implication that they were clinging to greatness and in the process being a bit pathetic.
So what can we learn from both these gentlemen’s decision? First, that it is important to do the best that you can do, every time you do anything. Neither would have achieved what they have achieved, without doing that, every day.
Secondly, when you know your trade and ply it expertly, you will know when you have reached the pinnacle … and therefore you will know in your heart of hearts, when the drop on the other side looms.
The third thing we can learn, however, seems to me to be the key point. When you can see the drop on the other side of success, it takes a leap of faith and huge bravery to decide to stop doing what you love. It requires personal strength and commitment to turn your back on the atmosphere, the environment, the people … the adulation. Even in your workplace, be it an office, a factory or the open air, you may have days when you feel superhuman and that you never want leave. However, you may also have days when you dread that workplace, and you feel as if you have been there too long. Whenever you feel either feeling, it is probably time to think about your next challenge.
And, as both these famous sportsmen show, you don’t have to keep on doing what you do, in the same way but simply for another employer. You may find that sitting down quietly over your summer holidays gives you some time to reflect on what you like, what your are good at and what you want to retain about your job. Do that BEFORE you list the hundreds of downsides! Look at that list. Keep coming back to it. How do the words sound, when you say them to yourself? When you have a list of things you really like about your job, take another look and see what of those is a transferable. In other words, focus in on the things on your list which you could, in fairness, find in another place. It’s those things that you could do, if you put your mind to it, in any other arena. It might not be to play for Man’ United (Mr Bolt’s apparent ambition) but it may well be to use your skills and talents in another setting. What is important to you about holding on to the things that make you unhappy in work? What’s the benefit to you of doing so? Not much, I suspect. So what is stopping you focussing on the best bits of your work, the things that make you feel brilliant, the things that make others say great things to and about you?
As Winston Churchill said, “Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning”. “Retirement” is simply the end of one phase of your life, and the beginning of the next. So is choosing to change your job, or even your career, before an age when retirement is no longer yours to choose. So examine your working life, your work/life balance, your working you. What do you like? What is worth keeping and enjoying but perhaps in new surroundings? What is most important to you in your work? What are the “must haves”? Once you know that, you will be more confident about looking for your next opportunity. And it is an opportunity. It may even be a golden one.
If you would like to discuss any of the issues shown here, please get in touch and let’s discuss your next adventure.
