All lives really do matter – that’s the point!

All lives really do matter – that’s the point!

by | 28 Oct 2020 | Uncategorised

I saw a post on LinkedIn yesterday* decrying the dismantling of monuments to slavery.

The “all lives matter” banner used as as a thinly-veiled sideswipe at BAME and other migrants and refugees in the UK was out in force in the comments. Really unattractive stuff. Or simply racism, to name it clearly.

I deleted my original, gut-feel response. This triggered in me more words than a comment will allow.

My view is that such artefacts of a frankly shameful trade should be removed from public places and placed in a local museum (NOT civic centre) where they are put in context. I say this having run public museums and an Ancient Monument in the UK for a decade. For instance, the Bristol slaver statue could be displayed inside the museum, alongside another exhibit demonstrating graphically what 19,000 people dead at sea might be like, for both scale and impact of the barbarity. Telling the human story explains better than a plaque.

The image on the banner for this article is a graphic created by my late father, who was part of the British Army erasing Bergen-Belsen concentration camp in the early 1950s**. Another example of barbarity on an industrial scale. Virtually nothing remains of this heinous place, to prevent it becoming a focus for any revival of the movement which led to its creation. Taking a different stance, the Polish have chosen to retain Auschwitz as a memorial to the murdered, with the very dust on your shoes a salutary reminder of racism and sub-human discrimination – it is still the dust from the crematoria (made by AEG incidentally). That is human remains on your shoe. That is real, immediate and effective.

Focusing back on Bristol, I believe that celebration of such barbarity has no place in the public realm of a civilised and diverse culture. The filibustering and wrangling by interest groups in Bristol, over the wording on a plaque to contextualise the slave trade, is a blight on all involved. The dismantling was a direct response to their collective failure to find an urgent remedy.

This is posted on a business forum because

  1. It is important to me that my business is carried out on declared ethical principles; and
  2. I want to stress the point on every platform, that all lives DO matter. However, some, which are under threat of violence and abuse daily, deserve and need more protection than those which are often unwittingly benefitting from the “privilege” of simply having less melanin than other groups. Put it in that context, we see how arbitrary and nonsensical racism is. We might as well be saying “freckled” as “black” or “BAME” or “POC”. Irrational, unreasonable and unfair, whatever word you use.

I run an ethical practice, working with all my clients to help them improve their working lives through positive change, whatever their background. I am anti-racist; normally I do not prosthelytise. At the moment, however, I need to speak out. The backlash is on its way against the #BLM movement. Again. It is a tragedy and a disgrace in my view that #BLM is even necessary and the fact it is still necessary means none of us should rest until equality of opportunity and treatment is a fact, not a mere aspiration. For Black Lives, for LGBTQ lives, for young lives, for old lives, for every faith under the sun … wanting equality of opportunity and a fair treatment in society for all groups does nothing to diminish the rights of the majority in predominately-white nations. It is this inclusivity which makes us whole.

It is important to note here that broadening the argument for the purposes of one article is NOT an acceptance that dilution of focus is OK. There needs to be a focus on Black Lives, but not as a black-square fad used by celebrities and, amazingly, museums storing (or even built on the profits from) slavery proceeds, with no real awareness of what it actually meant. Instead our focus needs to be on a real shared movement which we all work to progress. That does not mean we can relax and not take action to support the rights of the disabled, or to push for greater mutual religious tolerance and understanding, or accept discrimination against the LGBTQ community. There is so much to do on so many fronts, we simply cannot let up. Everyone has a role to play, to move our societies forward by the step, or by the giant leap.

I ask that everyone who reads this considers their own approach to operating a business and, if it isn’t truly for everyone, please reflect on what that is about for you. Please ask yourself why someone’s skin colour (or faith, sexuality, age or any other reason offered for discrimination from a what is likely to be a pretty narrow set of “norms”) is a genuine and valid reason to disadvantage another human being. That could be current colour-based discrimination, as is sadly so evident in the US (and UK and other diverse states too). It could also be the celebration of an individual from history with Africans’ blood on their hands, because they profited from human misery and death and used that profit to fund a city. Not just “not a great look”. That is downright unacceptable in the twenty-first century.

#racism #slavery #inclusion #bethechangeyouseek #positivechange #leadership

  • This post was inspired by an iconic image of a slave trader’s statue being toppled and sent into the harbour at Bristol.  This image was taken by a young photojournalist named Ned Collyer.  Look out for his work !

**Incidentally, my late grandparents were the only people in their Gloucestershire town to welcome black GIs to be billetted with them prior to the D-Day preparations. As a result, my father was left with a lifelong appreciation of, and respect for, African American culture (jazz and food were simplistic yet easy to translate to a teenager) and subsequently for the civil rights movement in the US. I am proud he brought me up to share those values and to aspire to improve my understanding of and for all positive cultures.

Want to know about my Coaching? That all depends … on you

Want to know about my Coaching? That all depends … on you

by | 24 Nov 2019 | Leadership Matters

I am often asked what sort of coaching I offer. This question is most often asked by potential corporate clients, looking to procure a leadership development coach to work with their top team and tick a box regarding the quality of service on offer. There’s lots of different sorts / types / styles – Situational, Co-active, with NLP, Outcome-focused, GROW, CLEAR – and that’s before you get to the contexts for coaching – Business, Life, Sports, Career, Developmental, Breakthrough … it’s a busy field.

However, there are quite a few times this question is asked, when people aren’t in the least bit interested my professional definitions.  That’s just too esoteric. In fact, what they want to know is how their sessions would run.  They want to know what it would be like to be coached.  Even more, they want to know whether they would enjoy it. Essentially, they are asking me whether it’s a good idea for them. They ask from a position of uncertainty (sometimes even mild distrust). It’s so tricky to answer, because it’s all a matter of taste. It’s also, very importantly, a matter of the coach’s skill. That’s what has motivated me to write this article, because it can be tough to explain this to clients without either waffling or looking a really smug smart-a*se.

OK, maybe it’s easier for some, but for me, it’s really difficult. I can sell stuff to people with ease – made a success of this in Birmingham’s Pallisades and London’s Oxford Street in another life. Trick is, selling a good product is much more difficult when it’s yourself, or at least it is for me. So I thought it would be sensible to set out my approach, so that I can point people to a blog, and save us all the awkwardness!

My coaching journey (the short version!)

Best to start at the very beginning, as the song says. I trained as a coach over 20 years ago, specifically trained to coach and facilitate group coaching and meetings at Board level. I was trained in the corporate basic GROW model, and NLP techniques. In those days, certification wasn’t as easy as now, so I simply used my skills in coaching and mentoring peers, reports, management and politicians for the next two decades in public service in the UK. This invaluable practice reinforced a key element of my initial learning: everyone is different.  Consequently, they will need to be coached differently too.

Fast-forward to the mid 20-teens, and I am facing a hip replacement, domestic relocation and redundancy. Oh and I am turning 50. What else to do but … start a business, using my coaching and mentoring expertise?! Suddenly I am meeting people from totally different walks of life, few of whom have come across even the concept of coaching, let alone which sort they’d prefer. I find myself with a growing client base, happily, and there are some similarities, for sure. Lots of young professionals looking to expand their career, lots of perfectionists looking to avoid burn out, lots of Board level executives looking to move away from their current workloads and develop the next phase of their careers. Despite those similarities, every single one of them is an individual, and therefore requires … deserves … a different coaching approach.

The nuts and bolts of my coaching

The key element, which underpins every coaching session, is that I listen. Really listen. Not sit there, nodding and rehearsing my own To Do list (yep, I really have seen that done). I listen to what the client is saying (and what they’re not). I also “listen” to what their body language tells me, what their silences tell me, what their eyes tell me. Observing how the client likes to take on information, how they like to explain things to me, how they like things done.

Once I know all that, I can start to ask my questions. Purposeful, insightful questionning is another cornerstone of quality coaching. My questions will often hit home faster (and harder) because of the time I have invested in checking them as the coaching conversation has progressed. The questions should not be “leading”, because coaching is about the client’s agenda, not the coach’s. Good ways to frame this are using the “4 bums on a rugby post” approach (ask me about that one!). The questions should only be “closed” when I am checking facts. The questions should make it easy for the client to see their perspective from a different perspective … but very often, the questions will stop clients in their tracks, purely because that different perspective is one which either they haven’t considered, or one that they have been avoiding. And there’s the rub – the words that are left unspoken, the gaps in the story.

And then …

This takes me to another key element of my coaching style … silence. This will make some people, who think they know me, laugh out loud as I am a chatty soul. That’s the point, ‘though. For me to hold client’s silences, keep their headspace clear for their thoughts, protect them in a safe quiet space to allow reflection and analysis of the issues, is a massive responsibility, an acknowledged duty … and largely the point of my role. If I were to talk through their silences, it would make it difficult to think about the different perspectives raised by the questionning. It would also make it difficult for the client to be able to think about a way forward.

And then …

That, in turn, brings me to another vital part of my coaching sessions … the plan. I am an inveterate planner. Always a woman with a plan! Why? Because it helps formulate all the different busy thoughts into a way to move forward on a particular project. And that’s the same for clients. I encourage clients to focus on what they want (their Goal), work out what’s working for them and what’s not (their Reality), understand what they could do, no-holds-barred (their Options) and then devise a brief list of tasks to move them towards their Goal (their what-they-Will-do list). That’s the GROW basic. I also tack on Tactics (how they will turn that action list to their advantage) and Habits (what clients need to change, to make their new Goal and associated changes stick). That’s why I actually use the GROWTH model. Tried, tested, proven.

The privilege of coaching

As you can see, so much of coaching with me depends on the client, and also on the coach. A coach has a massively-responsible role, helping a client to identify, nurture and achieve their dreams. It’s a huge privilege and one which I relish. It’s also great to hear from clients what they take from coaching sessions. Sometimes it’s structure in the maelstrom, sometimes it’s emptying their heads, sometimes it’s simply having a plan.

Some of the points in this piece may have triggered thoughts for you, and made you think you might like to find out more about coaching. Great idea. It may even have made you think that coaching with me would be helpful. Brilliant idea! Please get in touch – I would love to hear your reaction to this piece – and how you think I might be able to help you. Just don’t ask me how I will do it!

Still coaching – still “fixing”

Still coaching – still “fixing”

by | 20 Oct 2019 | Uncategorised

A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog called “Coaching … or fixing?”. It focused on a client whose line manager had sent him to be coached because the boss felt there was something wrong with my client. The truth was, it was the boss who was the problem, because they simply lacked self awareness and empathy.

Two years on, I am now working with someone who is facing the same problem … but they are the boss, who’s been feeling bad because of a team member who … lacks self awareness! It’s A Thing!

As I am writing, we’re all in lockdown, being responsible about our physical distancing and no longer working alongside one another in offices up and down the country. For many people reading this, you will secretly be giving Coronavirus a quick vote of thanks, before you recover yourself and realise quite what a serious and dangerous climate we’re currently suffering. What’s that about? It’s about how massively unhappy many people have been in their workplaces, and a lot of that is down to the lack of empathy … thinking things through from your colleagues’ perspective … and taking a good long look at yourself.

Getting along with people in the office is really tough when they are all such pains, isn’t it? Don’t forget … they may well be thinking that about you!

So, instead of thinking what other people need to be doing about their behaviours (and they may well need some help!), how about looking at your own? This is where the vast bulk of my coaching work focuses – helping my clients to manage their behaviours. Actually, that isn’t really true … I often end up helping my clients to manage their response to behaviours (their own and those of colleagues). Managing your responses is for another blog …

When you are planning your working from home (because you ARE planning it, aren’t you?! All our fellow LI posters are telling us so) I am asking you to take just 10 minutes a day, to really, really think about how you behave. Sit, with the required anti-viral hot beverage, and consider what it is that presses your buttons about someone at work. What do they do, that triggers your mood to slump? Be precise. Really stop and notice. And maybe note it down. Keep it grown up – no abuse or mindless criticism! And then? Run that same video in your head, but see if you can watch the video as if you are watching it through the other person’s eyes. And be precise again. Really stop and notice, again. And note it down, again. Experience the emotions. Notice the impact you may be having … and may not have noticed before. And write that down, and how you feel about it.

It may be, that this brings some tough stuff to the surface. If it does, talk to someone – don’t stew on things on your own. Mind.org.uk is a great charity, and its Infoline 0300 123 3393 is a good place to start for queries about whether what you’re feeling could be something which could trigger some mental ill health issues for you. It’s a great place to help you to spot the signs – for you and also for colleagues. If this is something that you would like to explore when you get back together when the virus lockdown is over, you can call on your local Mental Health First Aid trainer (mind.org.uk again, or at https://mhfaengland.org/) to welcome them into your workplace so you can all be that bit kinder to one another … and yourself.

And if you think that, although it isn’t quite a mental health concern, you’ve unearthed something you would like some help to explore and maybe to behave differently in the future, coaching will definitely help you. Even better, work with a coach also trained in neuro-linguistic programming, so that you can explore how you use your senses and language, with others and yourself, to shape your workplace behaviours. I’d be delighted to help, and always happy to explore how I could support a potential client, for free over a cuppa. At the moment, that’s a virtual cuppa – but as we’re all being encouraged to drink more hot drinks to ward off Covid19, how about getting in touch and sharing a virtual cuppa to discuss your workplace dilemmas with me? It may just be the fix you need.

Change – scary or potentially brilliant?

Change – scary or potentially brilliant?

by | 28 Sep 2019 | Uncategorised

“Change” has a bad reputation. Too often, change is seen as an explicit threat, bringing with it unknown dangers, and almost certain risks and catastrophes. However, in this article, I make an argument that change, if managed well, offers up a wealth of opportunities. Giving change a bad name is not only unfair, but potentially damaging to business success.

According to dictionaries, a general meaning for the word “change” is

“to make or become different”.

The definition doesn’t include words like “better”. It also doesn’t include words like “worse”. And it most definitely doesn’t cover “and the world is going to end as soon as this happens”. The issue is simply that altering patterns of behaviour for some of us comes as a bit of an unwelcome stop-you-in-your-tracks distraction, in busy work lives which are already full of distractions. There’s then the fear of the unknown, another well-known human trait. Again, this doesn’t apply to all of us, but it does affect a lot of people. So if you add fear of the unknown to an unwanted and unexpected disruption, you create an immediate atmosphere of negativity.

Change Managers’s jobs are often to introduce change into situations or organisations. This has been a role popular in the last quarter of the 20th century, and it’s still alive and well. I wonder whether that is actually helpful – but the apparent separation of change from management as a separate entity is food for a separate blog…

Suffice to say, change managers or agents have often been viewed as outsiders, doing change at teams. Some say that this suggests that their existing management might not have been taking their management responsibilities seriously, and were looking to an external change agent to be the “bad guy”.

To be honest, I have been on the receiving end of this viewpoint, where, with a reputation in an organisation for being brought in specifically as a change agent, I have entered a meeting with a new team only to see shoulders sag. I hasten to add that these people didn’t actually know me, just that they knew I brought change and that was automatically a bad thing. I am happy to report that many of the same people in that room went on to embrace the changes we all introduced (important point, this) to such an extent they took on spin-out organisations to run for themselves. There is little so inspiring as watching people blossom when they realise the wealth of opportunities which open up for them, as a result of change.

And that’s the point. Change is what you want it to be. Seriously. Anything different is change. Our hair growing is change. The seasons shifting from Winter to Spring, as I write, is change. Our children maturing into wonderful young adults, keen to take on their futures with both hands, is change. It’s all good. It is all down to how we view the change, how we respond to it, and how we choose to behave. And this is important – as Viktor Frankl said:

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves

It’s fair to say that most workplaces pose sufficient challenges for most people’s taste, most days. However, the kind of challenge to which Frankl refers is one of choice; what will we choose to do, in response to this change? We can always choose opposition, either angry or – most often – passive-agressive inertia. However, what if we were to choose to simply be curious, and open to seeing what might happen? Not a massive commitment (but a pretty massive mindshift from the opposition viewpoint). What could happen if we embrace the change to explore the possibilities it opens up for us? What could we do to influence the change, to increase opportunities for our teams to thrive, to make our workplace a happier and more sustainable place?

This is where my starting point, of change being managed well, comes in. When you are a manager of people, those people will look to you to help them with their everyday work issues (and, sometimes, their domestic issues which have an impact at work). So you are in exactly the right place, at the right time, to support your team through whatever changes come along. And let’s be honest, many change expectations will be top-down affairs, with savings or sales targets imposed from above. This could lead to a real sense of powerlessness … if you let it.

Let’s imagine, then, that you were to bring this news to your team – and then invite them to work out the solution. They could be free to examine working patterns, practices and systems. They could be free to explore new markets and competitor / best-in-breed examples of other ways of doing things. They could even be free to decide what this could mean for future team numbers. They would be empowered, because they felt trusted to control their own destiny. They would be more understanding of the change required, and almost certainly want to share in its delivery. They would have more sympathy for your position as their manager, understanding you’re between a rock and a hard place. Most importantly, their eyes could be opened to totally new ways of doing things, and the opportunities (personal, professional and commercial) that this could bring.

How can I be so certain of this? Simple – it’s how I approached implementing politically-driven change in the public sector for over a decade. It was a straightforward, inclusive, transparent approach which really worked (and works still). It yielded the savings required (and bear in mind this was during the 2008 Financial Crisis and the austerity that followed it), and also created a range of different opportunities, some involving community charities, some involving commercial partner organisations in the locality, some involving former colleagues becoming entrepreneurs, emboldened by the change management process to go it alone – to great success.

Today, I work as an external change agent in organisations, supporting their change programme with their management, not instead of them, and by forming strong, trust-based relationships with those affected. Effective project management with a healthy dash of reassuring, very human, support and encouragement – and it is a winning combination.

I wonder how much fear of change, or simply being unable to grapple with “change” because you don’t quite understand what might be involved, is holding you back, personally and in your workplace. If you are reading this, and you run an organisation, are you demonstrating a change leadership approach which is working, or could you use some help? If you are reading this and you are tasked with delivering change for others, and you don’t know where to start, could you use some help too? How much is this lack of engagement in change actually costing you, in lowered productivity, slowing market engagement, lost income?

If a chat over a cuppa, or Zoom or WhatsApp, feels like it might helpful, simply get in touch. I am always happy to work with people to boost their confidence with change. There’s no harm in having a chat. If you think I can help more formally, that’s obviously great from my point of view, but often just a chat about a problem is all that’s needed … and I’d still be very happy to help.

Image courtesy of geralt on pixabay

Be Brave – Get a Coach!

Be Brave – Get a Coach!

by | 6 May 2019 | Uncategorised

Today, I was discussing the role of executive coaching with a prospective client. “I want to send my team to you for coaching. Not that there’s anything wrong with them, it’s purely so they can have a different perspective from mine”. What a relief to hear that!

In my related blog “Coaching, not fixing” I make the point that lots of bosses send me clients for coaching, meaning they think the coachee needs some sort of correction. So I was delighted to hear this enlightened MD explaining that he knew he could lead his team well, but that he was clearly self-aware and emotionally-literate enough to know that his team would benefit from additional perspectives, to help them to develop their focus, performance and operational capability.

This MD clearly has a good understanding of how to look after his team – and his business. I would argue that more leaders in business need to understand the vital importance to the bottom line of their team’s ongoing ability to excel … and coaching’s role in that.

This is where I believe coaching has a clear role to play. When decision-makers in large organisations face challenges, or even introduce changes, their decisions will have differing impacts on different people (even their fellow leaders). People are different and their experiences, values, beliefs and perceptions all act as filters on the way they respond to their workplace. This means a workplace will be full of people, all at different points along the famous change curve. A one-size-fits-all approach to the business’ ability to respond cannot reflect that diversity of response. That means that organisational strategies need to be more agile and offer different interventions to support employees to respond positively and with greater resilience.

I am arguing here for investment in prevention rather than cure. And the argument is based on simple business sense; I am recommending organisations choose to spend a defined amount on a supportive strategy which supports employees’ sense of being valued and able to contribute, which in turn has a high probability of building a more productive and motivated workforce. This is in preference to choosing to spend unknown sums, which may be high due to the acute remedial interventions required or the suits brought by disgruntled employees, which contribute nothing to the wellbeing of the workforce or the organisation as a whole, and which have the potential to undermine motivation and productivity.  Senior employees are still human, still needing recognition, still welcoming the sense of being a valued colleague.

There is also the ambassadorial potential for coaching. When employees receive coaching, its impact is often firstly that the coachee perceives the sessions as “time for me”. In other words, they perceive it as an investment in them by their employer, inferring a sense of being valued and, at a senior level, being prized as a key investment and influencer. This in and of itself has the potential to work wonders, as senior employees’ self-esteem rises, their preparedness to work within the changing workplace increases, and they are happy to cite coaching as part of that improvement. That knocks on, with conversations out of work, and serves to build the reputation of the employing organisation as a place which invests astutely in its workforce and takes innovation in work seriously as part of its business success.

In a CIPD survey, 92% of UK businesses reported that professionally-delivered coaching contributed to their bottom line performance. Coaching has an important strategic role.  It is proven to be effective, it costs less than therapeutic interventions, and it is flexible to any client’s needs. It can be used from the Boardroom to the shop floor, and it is even something companies can provide in-house. When the top 3% earners of Harvard alumni were surveyed, 98% of them said they had a personal coach.

So I hope that the prospective client who cares so much about his senior team will take on coaching as part of his business’ growth. If you want to join him, and show your thought leadership and innovation by investing in your top team and grow their potential, please get in touch.  

#coachingculture #coach #NLP #leadershipmatters #success #business #leadership #selfleadership