Christmas is traditionally a time of good cheer, generosity of spirit and celebration. Sadly, for some people, it is also the only real time they spend, thinking about their life and whether it is turning out as they want. This time of reflection can have a damaging impact on families, relationships and people’s mental wellbeing. Did you know there is a padre patrol on Beachy Head on New Year’s Day? The Christmas period sees a rise in suicides, because people can’t face another year of the same old crud, that they feel powerless to change.
It doesn’t have to be that way
Thinking about your life and how it is turning out might not be a barrel of laughs. However, there are a lot of options, between getting a bit grumpy over the Christmas break, and taking the devastating decision to end it all.
For many people, the problem is one of overwhelm – everything is a bit out of focus. It all seems to be rushing by, with no time to enjoy the good things, to enjoy the fruits of all their hard work. When you boil that down, it often comes down to control … people feel out of control, lacking clarity about what they want, unable to see the path ahead. Some of my clients present with this form of overwhelm – not “stopping to smell the roses” as one put it. What I work with them to achieve, is regaining some control.
Control comes first with the decision that things are so bad, you really REALLY want to change something. You might not know what, but you know you need to change something … anything … so that your circumstances don’t repeat themselves for yet another year. How to do that? Easy to say, harder to do … but very possible. You decide to change a thing. You choose a single thing, that is completely within your control to change, and you decide to change it. You decide how, when and where you will change it. You decide what is the most important thing about changing it. You decide who else needs to know about the change. You decide where that change will take you. And then? Yep – you change it. And then you decide to keep on changing it, until it works and things feel better. And you also decide to notice what else happens when you change it, so that you can really recognise when your change has been successful, and you have taken back a bit of that lost control.
The choice you take, the “path” you choose, may not be straight, but wind through your life, as if through a landscape. Choose whether that matters or not. Choose where it winds, where it takes a detour. Choose where it starts, choose where it stops. All these choices re-establish your control over the world around you. As Dr Covey taught us, “Start with the End in Mind” … know where you are going! So long as you are deciding the path route, while deciding where it should be going, you will be pleased with what your progress shows you.
Some people are impatient with the bends in the road, and expect to arrive at their perfect change, to make their perfect future, immediately. Life isn’t like that for most of us – there is no “pot of gold”. However, when you make the choice to take action, you are taking a big decision, potentially one of the most important of your life. Take it carefully but also enjoy it, because you are doing something wonderful for yourself – at long last.
So how will you use your thinking time this Christmas?
If you are lucky enough to be able to have a family Christmastime, even if you do not celebrate the faith behind the festival, please take a moment to be thankful. Remember that, no matter how irritating work colleagues and their emails are, you still have a job, a home, a family … and that your hard work keeps that so. When you work hard, who else do you help? How can you help people more in the coming year, while still helping yourself?
Deciding to reflect on how to move on with your life can be exciting, challenging and fun. The trick to making a fun choice, even in the context of difficult circumstances, is to choose to make a positive change. Choose something, rather than choose to avoid or move away from something. Choose a new job, rather than decide to leave your current one. Choose to take up a pastime, rather than choose to stop sitting around at home on your own. Whatever you choose, make the choice a positive one. Enjoy taking some time to choose something, a specific thing, that you can choose to change, and where that change will really help you. It’s all allowed, for the change to be fun, and to be only for you. Purely by being happier and more in control, you will improve the lot of everyone around you. You can help a heap of people, purely by being happier around them. When you break it down, it actually gets easier and easier to choose to do something. The smaller the something, the easier it can get. What is really stopping you from making that choice to change?
So when you have some quiet time this Christmas, give yourself a brilliant Christmas present and take some time to choose one small thing to change for the better. Work out how the change will happen, and determine a timescale in which to do it. When you make the change, and notice its impact, celebrate.
Choose a different path, in some way, and watch how things change for the better. Feel that regained control. Enjoy that extra focus. Oh – and try not to wait to next Christmas to do it all over again!
If some of the issues raised in this post have resonated with you, please get in touch, to find out how you too could regain your control and get that focus back.
Opening image of Christmas lights: © Tomasz Tulik | Dreamstime Stock Photos royalty free download
Uncredited images courtesy of Pixabay